Awake my soul; what is it I need to remember?
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There is great pain, fear, feelings of betrayal, heartache, powerlessness, denial, justification and rage circling in my immediate community as well as in our wider circles out in the world. Vitriol, idolatry and spiritual-bypass are dancing side by side. For the past three years I have been a part of something that felt so monumental, powerful, life-changing and healing as a student and leadership team member of Interchange Counseling Institute. In the past week, Interchange has ceased to exist with the revelation of severe sexual misconduct and misuse of power on the part my friend, former mentor and Interchange founder, Steve Bearman.
Once the nausea and rage passed through me, I jumped on the phone to offer counsel, support and love to my beloved students, friends and leadership team members. A fierce mama jaguar in me wants to lovingly eradicate any protectiveness of Steve and FIRMLY hold him accountable for the tremendous harm he has caused; I want him to see and feel the rawness of the fissures that came from his predatory actions. At the same time, I want to offer support, restitution, restorative justice and care for those most deeply impacted by all of this. I see that Steve is not outside of those impacted. I want NO tolerance for his horrifying behavior while holding the hurt and humanity of all involved.
I want not to create or participate in enemy camps or demonizing of anyone AND my love for the women harmed, this community AND Steve is trying to figure out how to contribute to life. I keep hearing the question “How can I help? What can I do?”
Along the way I noticed my own heart was deeply hurting. I feel a wide river of grief and loss. In the midst of all of this, a wise friend asked me to consider how I could care for myself right now. I noticed how I am sometimes consumed by caring for others.
I am reminded that healing is a process. I want to remind myself and all those that are hurting at this time to remember to stay in contact with yourself:
- Notice:
- What is getting in the way of really being with another?
- What is getting in the way of really being with yourself?
- What quality of presence do you bring to your own relating?
- We can’t release what we can’t be present for. We can’t heal what we can’t hold.
- Most of us overestimate our window of tolerance.
- Allow expression in manageable amounts. If we stay within that realm we can expand our tolerance and build resilience.
- Consider how you can receive support while you’re doing your work/supporting others.
- How can you remain engaged in your own body and engaged in your own process?
- It is essential to seek beauty in the world, see the good in other people and find comfort/wisdom in your own body. All three are ever-present.
I keep coming back to this question: How can I maintain contact with myself?
From that contact, I trust my ability to respond from love and compassion. I can remember that I am already equipped with all that I need to be the leader and healer that I want to be.
❤️
I love you.
Be gentle with each other.
Be fucking fierce(!) when necessary.
Encircle both qualities with tremendous compassion.